Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
