After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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