Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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