he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
