Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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