Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
