you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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