I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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