I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
