this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
