the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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