This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
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