we're chasing vodka with high fives
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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