My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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