You can't motorboat a personality
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
