I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
