sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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