I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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