if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
