So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
