This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
