I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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