he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
