Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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