I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
