On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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