Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
