i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this beer tastes like vomit already
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There r osticjed everywhere
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
