He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As shirtless as possible
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
