belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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