i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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