I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
