I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
