he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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