If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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