I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she peed on how many people?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
