I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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