worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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