New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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