U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
