I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your penis caused this!
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