I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
