part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
