i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
