Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
