Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
