I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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