People in love make me want to vomit
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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