Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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