they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
