They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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